Main Course

Okay, enough fluff for a minute. Let's get into the meat.

I just pictured Ethan's face. He loves these conversations. :D

So, what's God been doing in my life?

It's been absolutely remarkable, but it hasn't been easy. Which is, I'm coming to learn, the way God often likes to work. He doesn't call us to take it easy - Christ warned us repeatedly that following Him was no guarantee to a comfortable life. Mind-blowing, heart-changing, absolutely amazing, but not easy. Something like climbing mountains, but on a much grander scale. You can stay in the suburbs if you'd rather. These mountains end up being a monumental struggle, and sometimes you feel lost, and it hurts, and you wish you had your nice warm bed when it's pouring rain, and you've left blood behind on more than a few scrapes.

But, you're never alone.

So, Boot Camp, and possibly the theme through the next six years, has been about stripping away a lot (I can't say everything) that I was leaning on, and teaching me to lean on God for it. I went from being one of the smart kids to one of the people who was slowest at everything - that was hard for me. Turns out I've been riding something of an ego trip about that since I was eight years old. Turns out I probably still am. I didn't have the kinds of relationships in Basic that I had back home - you feel very cut off from the outside world while you're in there. Really, it seemed like the only people that I had any connection with were the ones who wrote to me while I was there - a fervent thanks to all of you for that. Now, I'm used to being good at what I do, being good at music, good with kids, that sort of thing, and I tended to lean on that. God said, "Nope. We're done with that for now. You can pick that up again later. Right now, I'm sending you to go do something you're NOT good at, and you're going to have to work at it, and trust me."

A note on this - the events surrounding my enlistment were very, very touch-and-go for awhile. There was a lot of stress there, and there were two other contracts that I wanted instead of this one. I don't know what all God was doing then, but I do know one piece of it - He was clearly illustrating that at any point in the process, He could stop everything. I wouldn't make it into the Navy, or I would get an undesignated contract, or I would even end up as a technician instead of a corpsman. Wait, that one actually happened. :)

A crazy thought on this here. I was talking with one of the counselors last night via Facebook, because we both know that had events not gone this way, I'd be back at Camp again this summer. Really, Camp's the most amazing job I've ever had. Nothing challenges me and brings me as much joy as Camp does, and I'm seriously thinking of going into camp ministry as my career for life. But, God organized everything that got me in, got me in when He did, and got me in as an ET. Which means that, as amazing as Camp is, in God's eyes, me doing this was better than me doing Camp this summer.

No, I have no idea how.

And finally, we managed to wrap up the month with a lesson on closed doors. It was probably in Fusion or Harvesters that we started talking about praying for the impossible. Knowing that something just can't happen, but also knowing that the impossible is God's natural habitat. I've taught my kids for years that "The Holy Spirit specializes in the impossible." So, pray boldly. Pray specifically. Quit worrying about all the ways it can't happen and just know that God can do it. Make your request known to Him, and just see what He does with it.

God has done amazing things in my life when I just quit fretting, talked it out with Him, and trusted Him with it. Yeah, He already knew what I wanted, but it's part of a relationship thing - you still like the time together, you like to actually talk with the other person about what's going on. But this time was a little different. I hadn't even realized how much I'd been counting on the path of events that I was looking at until the door closed and I couldn't see them anymore.

And at that point, all I had was throwing myself on God. Taking something away only hurts when a person's been counting on receiving it, I've heard. But the crazy-cool thing was what God did with this. He showed me why this door had to be closed - that He could have given this, but I was asking for something that wasn't really in my - or anyone's - best interests at that point. He didn't have to do that; that explanation was a gift. But, there was an underlying question to it.

At some point out from now, He's going to end up closing another door that I've been counting on. (Let's face it; I dream big, and I don't always ask Him first.) But if no explanation is forthcoming, if He just denies something that I thought looked really good...will I still trust Him?

Growing more with Him every day. It's been good. :)