I will do my best to keep this from getting icky.
So at a time in the relatively near future, the Gentleman and I have plans that include vows and moving in together.
So, it seemed logical to start figuring out a reliable means of birth control NOW.
(For those of you who feel that using birth control is a violation of God's natural order...I have heard from a representative or two of yours already, but you may join me for tea and I will politely listen until you start either screaming or swearing. This is a tactic I learned from a manager when I worked at a corporate supergiant - except for the tea, that one I must credit to my sister.)
And how very, very thankful I am now, writing that. "Oh yes! I'd forgotten - this was an experiment. To find something that works before we need it! Right, we were doing this because it was possible that something might NOT work." Okay. Okay. I feel better now.
Let us say simply that the very first attempt - utilizing one form of the Pill - did not work.
I may have turned a hair bipolar.
As in, every day, or perhaps every three hours, was a different but very strongly felt emotion.
The Gentleman took this like an absolute champ. Very patient. Very supportive. Very, very patient. Did I mention the patience? Owing to how all-over-the-place I was emotionally, I often didn't notice it at the time, but later I'd look back at the wreckage I'd strewn, and how calm he was, and that he even still sought to spend time with me*, and be floored.
*It is important to consider such things in big picture. Does the Gentleman have a pattern of not enjoying life? No? Okay, so this wasn't some sort of masochism. Just checking.
There was, at one point, a conversation where we were agreeing that there was some wackiness going on, and was this to the point that we considered it unlivable? I was of the theory that if I just worked out more, it would stabilize (let it be noted, I am ALWAYS of the theory that if I just worked out more, [random health problem] would alleviate. Exercise did HUGE things for my emotional imbalances as a teenager, and now I automatically assume that it can solve anything. Somewhere in the back of my mind is a niggling notion that this might not be right, but it hasn't been very noisy yet). Gentleman had patiently listened to everything I described, and asked if I wanted to stop this one yet.
Unfortunately, to me, that felt like giving up. No, no, let's run this one for at least two months, eliminate every influencing factor so we know none of them are causing this. I know the timing's not great, but I think I can manage this if I just exercise more, so I want to go for awhile longer.
I had an instructor once who believed that every nail, board, or block of our "house" in Heaven is determined by an act here on Earth - when we choose good, good materials are used, when we choose shoddy, shoddy materials are used (this was his explanation for why our acts matter if salvation can't be lost). While I've seen absolutely nothing in Scripture to indicate this, I think that if it turns out to be the case, the Gentleman's house is going to have a wall of gold for this last week.
And Monday night, I realized - this is stupid. (This was perhaps following a conversation with HealthMom on Sunday, and Dawn on Friday). And I cannot keep doing this.
And THAT'S when I remembered that this was an experiment. That we were considering different options. And, surprise, we found one that didn't work - which was the point.
There are other options. Well, really, the point is finding one that DOES work. But, the fact that one didn't does not, in fact, mean that *I* have failed. Which is the rock I was breaking myself over before.
There's so much to be thankful for.
So at a time in the relatively near future, the Gentleman and I have plans that include vows and moving in together.
So, it seemed logical to start figuring out a reliable means of birth control NOW.
(For those of you who feel that using birth control is a violation of God's natural order...I have heard from a representative or two of yours already, but you may join me for tea and I will politely listen until you start either screaming or swearing. This is a tactic I learned from a manager when I worked at a corporate supergiant - except for the tea, that one I must credit to my sister.)
And how very, very thankful I am now, writing that. "Oh yes! I'd forgotten - this was an experiment. To find something that works before we need it! Right, we were doing this because it was possible that something might NOT work." Okay. Okay. I feel better now.
Let us say simply that the very first attempt - utilizing one form of the Pill - did not work.
I may have turned a hair bipolar.
As in, every day, or perhaps every three hours, was a different but very strongly felt emotion.
The Gentleman took this like an absolute champ. Very patient. Very supportive. Very, very patient. Did I mention the patience? Owing to how all-over-the-place I was emotionally, I often didn't notice it at the time, but later I'd look back at the wreckage I'd strewn, and how calm he was, and that he even still sought to spend time with me*, and be floored.
*It is important to consider such things in big picture. Does the Gentleman have a pattern of not enjoying life? No? Okay, so this wasn't some sort of masochism. Just checking.
There was, at one point, a conversation where we were agreeing that there was some wackiness going on, and was this to the point that we considered it unlivable? I was of the theory that if I just worked out more, it would stabilize (let it be noted, I am ALWAYS of the theory that if I just worked out more, [random health problem] would alleviate. Exercise did HUGE things for my emotional imbalances as a teenager, and now I automatically assume that it can solve anything. Somewhere in the back of my mind is a niggling notion that this might not be right, but it hasn't been very noisy yet). Gentleman had patiently listened to everything I described, and asked if I wanted to stop this one yet.
Unfortunately, to me, that felt like giving up. No, no, let's run this one for at least two months, eliminate every influencing factor so we know none of them are causing this. I know the timing's not great, but I think I can manage this if I just exercise more, so I want to go for awhile longer.
I had an instructor once who believed that every nail, board, or block of our "house" in Heaven is determined by an act here on Earth - when we choose good, good materials are used, when we choose shoddy, shoddy materials are used (this was his explanation for why our acts matter if salvation can't be lost). While I've seen absolutely nothing in Scripture to indicate this, I think that if it turns out to be the case, the Gentleman's house is going to have a wall of gold for this last week.
And Monday night, I realized - this is stupid. (This was perhaps following a conversation with HealthMom on Sunday, and Dawn on Friday). And I cannot keep doing this.
And THAT'S when I remembered that this was an experiment. That we were considering different options. And, surprise, we found one that didn't work - which was the point.
There are other options. Well, really, the point is finding one that DOES work. But, the fact that one didn't does not, in fact, mean that *I* have failed. Which is the rock I was breaking myself over before.
There's so much to be thankful for.
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