People Who Should Not Summarize Shakespeare = Me.

One of my managers has informed me that I'll rot my brain from reading too much. He may be right, because today I read Shakespeare's "Venus and Adonis," and came away unimpressed.

Mostly with Venus.

A: *riding boldly through the fields*
V: "Oh la! A pretty boy!"
A: *takes no notice of goddess*
V: *flies to A's lap, twining her arms around his neck* "Won't you be my pretty boy?"
A: Away from me, woman! I have better things to do!
V: *pout*

V: *flings A from saddle, pins him to the ground* "Won't you be my pretty boy?"
A: "No. You're being a tart."
V: "Kiss me!"
A: "No! I belong to the god of war!"
V: "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
A: "No!"

At this point, the riderless horse observes a pretty mare off in the woods, and chases after her.

A: *leaping quickly to his feet* "------, woman! You made me lose my horse!"
V: "You should follow your horse's example. Kiss me!"
A: "No."
V: "Kiss me!"
A: "No."
V: "Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!"
A: "Okay."

V: "This was fun! I love you! Can we do this again tomorrow night?"
A: "Can't. Going boar-hunting with the boys."
V: "A boar! Boars are so dangerous. You should hunt rabbits."
A: "I like boars."
V: "But you're so beautiful! And I love you! The boar won't see how beautiful you are."

Adonis extricates himself, goes off to meet his friends. Venus, no joke, spends the entire night weeping (very loudly) and singing to echoes.

Later that same day, she hears the sounds of the hunt.

V: "The beautiful boy is dead! Curse you, Death! You should not take pretty people!"

She hears his voice, calling to his dogs.

V: "Oh! He's not dead! Hail, Death, King of Graves, who is discerning for which people deserve to live!"

She finds him fallen and slain.

V: "What is this? He can't be dead! All the world loves him for his beauty - the birds, the wolves, the tigers - even the boar did not fight him, no, it tried to kiss him, it did! It was not the boar's fault that it had such sharp tusks!"

She throws herself on his body, mixing her tears with his blood. Adonis' body vaporizes into a flower. Venus picks the flower and tucks it in her shirt, flying away.

V: "Since I, the goddess of love, have so suffered in love, all mankind shall suffer whenever they love, and he that loves most will suffer most!"


Okay, I like Shakespeare, to be honest. But Venus' lack of modesty pretty much turned me off to her from about the sixth line, and it didn't get any better. Beautiful descriptions, but I've apparently been spoiled by Jane Austen on the notion that the hero and leading lady are going to have worthwhile personality traits. I realize this makes me rather unenlightened.

In OTHER news, a skeptic friend and I are wrestling with the veracity of the Bible. This is not the first time that this has happened, but it just occurred to me - if I was REALLY living as a Christian, like, you could see it as soon as you looked at me, would I keep finding myself in this situation? There's a repeating trend of one of my dear friends deciding that we need to be together, but 90% if the time it's a guy who believes in God and family values, but doesn't believe in the Bible. Is this what I look like and therefore attract all the time, or is that just 90% of the male population?