Week of Averages

The issue here is that this week has involved some really great highs and some really bizarre lows, but by Saturday afternoon (about the only time I really have time anymore), it's all mentally averaged out into about the same level of the week before. This means that I feel as though I have nothing useful to share.

The suicide rate on this base is at an all-time high. I have to tell you, I cannot get my brain around that concept. I don't understand it. Not like, "I don't understand how this could happen," because I understand perfectly well how this could happen. Or at least, I can see it in action. It's more an issue of numbers, since this base will have been standing for a century come this summer. It's an empty statistic. What I CAN understand is that the suicide rate on this base is the highest it's been in ten years. Apparently, the same goes for the drug abuse (instant out from the Navy) and alcohol abuse (more negotiable out) rates.

People who come from other bases talk about coming on this base and feeling a darkness here, like an oily black cloud that hangs out around knee-height, or hovers between this place and the sun, so that you're never out from under it, you're always breathing it. So far, the weird part isn't who's affected, it's who's UNaffected. Those of us who still smile and have fun with life really stand out.

I'm wrapping up the last few requirements to get my crow this month. (This is the Navy nickname for the "perching eagle" (not to be confused with the spread eagle, that's a Captain) that Petty Officers wear. I've never seen it called a "perching eagle" anywhere outside of a textbook.) One of these is a three-day class by name of "Prevent." It's mostly about making decent decisions. The Navy's HUGE on fitness, but they're actually big on a "total fitness" thing - your finances, your relationships, your nutrition - we as students tend to focus quite a bit more on the physical fitness aspect, because it's about the only one that we're actually graded on.

Wacky-good thing, I ended up as the class leader for this. This is really a micro-chain-of-command, but it's still something that makes you stand out, even infinitesimally, from all the other digis. I often think we look like small flocks of birds in our NWUs. Over the next three days, learned that, by Navy standards, I am not in NEARLY as good physical shape as I'd thought, but I'm making better lifestyle choices than the vast majority of sailors, so...yay?

Well, sort of yay. I still have to pass my PRTs. These are every six months. The thing is, passing shouldn't be that difficult - it's sort of a minimum standard. But for this one, I was in Radar for all of January, cutting down any time that I might have given to regular PT. I'm beginning to suspect that I have a milder form of 'test-anxiety' (really, doesn't everyone have this?) but I'm never getting it diagnosed, because I apparently produce my best results when I'm freaking out about the prospect of failure.

If you're going to go through most of life as a Type "B" personality, you've got to have SOMETHING kick you in the pants when you need to actually produce results.

But, let there be much rejoicing, I did pass, and almost exactly in the range I usually train for. That was one of the particularly crazy days, when I left my barracks at 0630 and didn't get back 'til just before 2100, running from one responsibility to the next. It feels good, though - a little zany at times, but I LIKE being able to do more.

I've been apprenticing as the yeoman (secretary) for the chapel choir - I'm taking over in March. I also got invited to be on the student leadership for Connexion - it's sort of our base ministry. Still can't get a SNUFI job - my barracks wants more students in the "holds" section before they'll approve anyone taking other jobs during the day. But, hoping.

Everything I said about being here another 6-8 months? Yeah. Forget that. I COULD be here another 6-8 months. On the other hand, just learned at a brief on Friday that one of the guys from my class received his orders THIS week to transfer NEXT week. So, it's fairly up in the air.

I've had hot water for 6 out of 7 showers this week, so I'm pretty happy about that.

I may or may not have had my first heart attack on Thursday. Jury's still out. Symptoms were acting like it, but aside from the PRT-anxiety, there's been nothing that would explain it. 30s-friend thinks I did, Army-friend thinks it's possible, EMT-friend thinks I'm too young. I kind of agree with EMT-friend, but a surprising number of Pre-BUD/S get heart attacks during their training and don't realize it until a real doctor checks them out ten years later. I'm going to sick call on Monday - another piece of my current to-do list was a medical check anyway.

This afternoon, a friend and I are going to go see Tangled. Again. This is the 3rd or 4th time I've seen it since it came out. Rapunzel is my new favorite Disney princess. I'm delighted that the on-base theater keeps bringing this one back.

Plus, there are always kids in the audience when they show movies I really like. I don't get to interact with them, but just seeing them running around is great.

I may have found a church! Mama Mac invited about a half-dozen of the girls from Connexion to a women's retreat, and I liked the church well enough to go to their service later that night. It's about four miles away from base, so walking there'd be no issue in the afternoons, and I can catch a ride back to base after dark. (The church's neighborhood is lovely - my base's, not so much.) There's a bit of paperwork and pleading I'd have to do in order for my leadership to let me off base without a buddy, but if I'm going to church, they might be okay with it. I'm excited!

Honeycrisp apples are amazing.

My friend Stephanie and I watched A Little Princess again last Sunday. I don't think I'd seen it in the last ten years, but I remember watching it when we were little. So, so good. I needed to hear a lot of that, that all girls are princesses, because I'd stopped believing that I really had any value.

Stephanie's become my dearest friend on base, and she transferred yesterday. She's been making interesting plans to get me to Hawaii (where she's based) and to set me up with one of her or her fiance's male Christian friends at their wedding this fall. She's absolutely wonderful, and it's been great spending so much time with her, and I honestly can't picture being at Great Lakes for 8 months with no Stephanie. Just doesn't compute. Stephanie's ALWAYS been here.

(It should be noted, I have had other friends transfer before, and for the most part, you recognize the transient nature of everything here. Stephanie's like my on-base sister, though.)

Found a yoga class that I love. Forgot how much I love flexibility work - Navy teaches that you're supposed to be mixing up flexibility, strength, and cardio, and I've really just been loading up cardio from graduation to my PFA. (I am not a SEAL. They do not care how many chin-ups I can do. They just want to make sure I can run.) Schedule only permits being there one day a week, but one is infinitely better than none. :)

There've been other minor ups and downs, but, as stated, by the time Saturday afternoon comes around, everything has sort of settled and evened out. I'm content, happy, frustrated, and okay with that.