Halfway There!

So, just after the halfway point on this deployment, we visit Dubai!

As this is what's referred to as a "working port", rather than a "liberty port," for my division, I cannot say that I've seen very much of the country. But, I've had land under my feet, worn civilian clothing, eaten WAY too much food, and been able to call home.

The last six weeks...well, I can say I've learned a lot. It seems, however, that the more I learn, the less I talk. Part of this is also because I'm a little concerned (somewhere very deep down) about my social skills. I think I've come to the point where I can interact fairly well with the people in my shop, just fine with the people throughout the ship, and decently with anyone else who's been in the military...but I apparently have some sort of sector-specific Asperger's when it comes to civilians.

I don't get the nuances. I don't know what's okay. I tend to be very serious when I do talk, except that it's laced with irony. Very deadly things are funny, because that's just how we deal with them. It's not that we're making light of them, we're acknowledging that they're serious by being funny about them.

I think this might actually be akin to what I think of as Irish humor.

So, the fact that you have cancer? Humor fodder. The fact that you are dying of cancer? Well, we'll first cautiously evaluate how you feel about that from a line or two after you drop that announcement, and then it's great fodder for humor (as long as you're cool with it). We are also the same crew who will all take you to the bar to get socially wasted on that news, if you want to take your mind off it and have a night out with friends who are there for you. Or, we'll stand staunchly by you and knock out anybody who takes it flippantly if you're reeling from it.

Divorce? Yep. Radiation leaks? Definitely. Finding out that thanks to your years of service you can't have kids? Hilarious. Because you're already laughing on it. Because we've got this idea of, "Well, I can't change it, I might as well find some humor in it, and, *expletive*, that actually is pretty funny!"

I have some distant memory that such things were NOT as funny among me and my friends before the Navy. In fact, I think I was one of the people who was always ready to get offended. So, I just sit, and listen. Plus, I'm probably taking in memories to revisit later in my bunk like chocolate-chip cookies*, and don't want to interrupt. My two cents are not needed.

*not that I eat cookies in my rack. That would be messy and gross. But I can revisit the memory of cookies, and my imagination is now very good at generating such things.

So, when I DO talk, it's sometimes very serious. And this, I think, might also be awkward. It's a sort of, "If I don't get the chance to talk with you for another year, or ever, I want to have at least said this to you."

These might all be the result of 1st year on a ship. Maybe in 2 years, I won't notice any of this. :)

This is the first time I've had relatively open internet in months. On the ship, videos take too much bandwidth to allow, and blogs are considered unnecessary for work, so I'm catching up with these. My youngest sister is kind enough to email me her blog posts, so first priority is in fact a friend of my middle sister's, who plays guitar and writes lyrics that I hang on. Also, Ursula Vernon, whose art, comics, and words I've been following for about seven years. I will likely never meet her, but I love reading her and her art is a lovely whimsy (or sometimes a savagely beautiful whimsy). Forgotten pleasures.

Subway. In the words of Gollum, "We forgot the taste of bread." Oh, but I love fresh-baked bread. I might just go in there and order a foot-long honey-oat loaf for supper tonight. I haven't decided.

Caribou! Okay, to back up a hair, the USO in Dubai has a place just off the pier referred to as "The Sandbox," or "The Oasis," sort of an open-air plaza of everything we've missed most. There's a coffee place, a pizza/grill place, Subway, two electronics/music stores, a smoke shop, some sort of salon, a massage parlor, the list goes on. We are, however, forbidden to take pictures here - this seems to be a common theme through most of this area of the world when we visit. Anyway, I am now fortified with that divine blend of chocolate and espresso that makes my euphoria sing.

I have hit an interesting revelation (because apparently we're not done with introspection yet). I don't want a relationship. I do, on the level that I've ALWAYS wanted to be the Princess pursued by the Knight, but really, right now, for what's going on in life and for where I am emotionally, I really want...a dog.

Seriously. It just occurred to me last week that I have been dreaming about a guy as a dog-substitute. I want a buddy to play with, a running partner, someone who's always happy to see me come home, who I can hang out with and not have to talk to, but whose presence just reminds me of what matters to me.

But, having a dog requires having a house (all right, yes, admittedly, in an apartment, I could have a SMALL dog, but I want an Aussie. Or a Goldie. Or a Bernese Mountain Dog. Actually, I found an Aussie/BMD cross on petfinder last night, and had to fight to remind myself that a) I am in the middle of the North Arabian Sea right now, b) I still live on the ship, not yet a barracks, when we get back to homeport, c) even if I do get to live in the barracks, I can't have a dog there, and most importantly, d) I spend about 3/4 of the year out to sea, and should not get solo custody of so much as a Siamese fighting fish right now.), and suddenly I launch once more into what's been called my "Point A to Point D" thinking, where I cannot afford a down payment on a house right now, so I should start saving, and also intensify my focus on my nursing degree and landing work at Mayo as soon as I get out, and what's the housing market like along this particular road I like near Roch...oh right. I'm still in the Navy.

But, all my limbs are attached, most of my skin is still on, I have received some sleep and still retain a sense of humor (it might not look the way it did before, but it's there!) and am grateful for many, many things in life. I may or may not get to call my family again tonight, and I am scheduled to be back in the States in a few months. Is good life.